Lately I've been staying away from the personal stuff, but fuck it. I really just need to express some happy/sad/whatever feelings... lol. or lmfao... or whatever the kids are saying/typing these days.
I have a niece on the way... For the first time in 11 years, a new addition to the immediate Fam-- bringing my niece/nephew total up to 3-- I'm stoked-- in a way I can't really express... I love being an Uncle, the way most enjoy parenthood or being a Yankees Fan-- I love kids, but really don't see myself wanting any of my own for quite some time--
And then here it comes.... "Oh, but Lopez, you'd be an AMAZING DAD!"
I know. But that's not my thing-- Unclehood is the bomb, and if for any one particular reason, I get to participate in the raising of a child, while still maintaining the domicile and activities of someone who works WAY TOO MUCH... I don't want kids for the same reason I haven't bought a gaming system since SEGA's Dreamcast-- I really don't have the time for it, and I have other stuff I wanna do--
But back to the main topic-- I love the idea of finally having a niece-- Mom and Dad have a granddaughter-- which they've wanted greedily since my first Neph (Jason) was born-- haha... Lil Anthony (the younger) has been totally doting on my sis-- and that's awesome.... He'll be a good dad one day-- if that turns out to be his cup o' tea.
As always, my thoughts go to Nick, who my nephews loved, no doubt more than me-- haha-- A few years back I asked them flat out who they liked more and they hesitated...
I miss the big guy, b/c he would've gotten a kick out of having another "kid in HIS family."
Nick would've been a great dad. A person like Nick's ability to put all others before himself would be the deciding factor in that statement. A kid would've been SO lucky to have him for a father b/c of the "Field of Dreams" of it all-- Playing catch, That first ballgame, explaining it all and naming all the players... It's funny, b/c even though it's not something I want for myself, I totally wanted it for him...
In death there is rebirth, and in that, there is hope. Izzie (my new niece who is not yet born but already has a nickname) symbolizes that to me-- The idea of a new joy... My heart's been burdened by a great deal of things as of late and the thought of that new, innocent child and my nephews-- well, it just makes my heart lighter... I don't know if I am rambling as I usually do, but I can't help it-- It's the way my brain works.
At any rate, I'll stop here. Awake, tired, and thinking.
Here's to Big Nick.